literally had 100 drinks last night.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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