If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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