okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
