haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
