fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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