I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
