You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize