Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
