nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
