Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
