Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
