I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
