Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
