I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
