maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
