ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
