Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
