I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
