I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
