So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize