i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
