I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She announced her abortion via fbk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize