there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize