It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
