I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
