I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize