walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
