I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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