in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
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