She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
