we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
