So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
