Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
