How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
