when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
