I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
