did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
