If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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