i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
