i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
