someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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