Having a random hookup so left but love u
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
