D3 body, D1 cock
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
