did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
