Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize