He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
