I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
