O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
