i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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