My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
