i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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