Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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