Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
