Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize