Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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