remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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