If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
