There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
