Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
