I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
