Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
