So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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