So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
