Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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