Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize