okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
