Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
